


If I Could Do It All Again

by PerpetualSpinster



Category: Black Panther (2018), Marvel
Genre: Afterlife, Death, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-29
Updated: 2018-07-29
Packaged: 2019-06-18 04:02:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,867
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15477255
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PerpetualSpinster/pseuds/PerpetualSpinster
Summary: Erik has to make a choice before moving on with death.





	If I Could Do It All Again

Darkness:  thick and all encompassing.  So much so, one cannot tell their right from left, up from down.  Moving in a crazed pace, he tries to gain his bearings, but finds it impossible to do so.  Madness fuels his directional path: long as he can keep going, something is bound to change for the better.  Things will make themselves right eventually, right?  

Halting a moment, he notices his steps are soundless.   He leaves no trail behind him, nor does he create a thud.  Stomping around, he hollers at the top of his lungs only to find out that he is mute.  He tugs at his locs, bowing down as he is just about to lose his mind.  Where did the world go?  Where did he end up?  He feels a pain in his head begin to form as his body tries to signal for him to calm down.  In a daze he turns swiftly to find an out, anything to help this suffering to end.  

Holding his hands out he tries to follow in a single direction to see where the area in which he was encased possibly ended.  A wall, a door: was he even indoors somewhere?  As he tries to find this out, a glint catches his eye to the left of him.  He couldn’t be going insane, surely there was something there.  He goes in the direction of the glint, it slowly becomes bigger as he draws near.  He picks up his pace, becoming eager at the prospect of finally getting out.  The small speck of light has now formed into the frame of a person.

“Erik.” It calls out.

He keeps going, huffing and puffing as he reaches his max speed.

“You don’t need to run anymore, my son.”  the voice calls again.

Erik’s pace slows as he recognizes, “Baba?”  he whispers.

“It will be ok, N’Jadaka.  We will be fine.  Let go.”  the voice calls.

Erik picks up his pace once more as the figure turns and begins to diminish.

“No. NO!”  Erik sprints trying to catch him.  Tears form at the corners of his eyes, his lungs contract in pain.  

The figure completely disappears, and just as quickly, the floor beneath Erik drops.  Erik grabs at the air around him to no avail; his legs move to keep running for nothing.  Entering a freefall, Erik’s heart certainly stopped beating.  His face screws up as he gasps for breath, for feeling in his extremities, for stability, until he passes out.

Waking up again, Erik is overcome with brightness.  He is surrounded by a white room, squinting his eyes to adjust to the new atmosphere.  Despite now having light, he still had no idea where he was and where to get out.  The area had nothing to it; just a blank canvas of space without entrances, corners, ends or beginnings.  Erik stands up whipping his head around to figure out where to begin.  He unties one of boot laces, removing it from the boot completely and leaving it in the area he began.  This would be his marker of how far he has gotten.  

Erik starts to walk in a general straight line, watching his surroundings for any other figures or surprises.  Time passes and it appears nothing has changed, but Erik figures he has gotten too far to turn back.  He will go a little further and find a stopping point, then circle back.  

As Erik stomps on, he sees something on the ground before him.  He couldn’t make it out but the darkness of it stood out against the white that surrounded him,  Erik jogs up to it to see what it could be but crashes to a halt once he sees it.  Slowly approaching, he kneels down to pick it up:  his boot lace.  His heart begins to pound as he tries to figure out how going in a straight line creates a circle.  His sanity taking another hit he looks behind him in  frenzied distress and jumps back in shock, falling over away from the person behind him.

“Hello, Erik.  I don’t mean to startle you.”

Erik pinches the bridge of his nose to ease the migraine he was experiencing.  Not looking at the person, Erik pleads, “I don’t need no smoke, man.  I’ve just been trying to figure out where the fuck I have been for I don’t know how the fuck long.”

“I know.  And that is hard to explain but please, collect yourself so that we can speak to each other properly.”

Erik slowly peers up at the person, “Uncle James?”

He nods, “I almost forgot, you do not know me by Zuri, but yes, you are correct.”

Erik stands, anxiety climbing, “Nah, I’ll call you by your legal.   You wasn’t much of a uncle anyway.  Aight, now talk.  What am I doing here, man?”

Zuri paced slowly, “You remember your fight at the Falls with T’Challa?  And how that ended my life in the end?”

Erik scoffed, “It will be a cold day in Hell if you finna make me believe I have to atone for killing you.  Ain’t no God of mine, must be some Wakanda shit.”

Zuri holds his hands up, “No, no.  You are not atoning for anything at this point.  Believe it or not, that is why I am here.”

“What do you mean?”

Zuri sighs, looking tired, “As you know, I was a War Dog with your father, unbeknownst to him.  We worked together to help the African American community to try and build a defense and resource line to make their own way against the American government that had their lives hanging over the edge.”

“My daddy trusted you with his life, Zuri.  He didn’t mean nobody any harm, he only did what was right.  Wakanda couldn’t see that for shit, though.  All for one, and fuck everybody else.”  Erik barked.

Zuri nodded, pacing again, “When you took over Wakanda, that message became loud and clear.  We were blind to our own privileges and it was more than ready to share our strength with our brothers and sisters throughout the world.”

Erik crosses his arms thinking, “You still ain’t tell me why the hell I am even here Zuri.”

“Your father paid a price for his approach to doing his work in America, and your Uncle T’Chaka’s legacy will forever be marred by his decision to take his brother’s life.  I myself, was sacrificed by your hand for trading my loyalty to your father for the loyalty of my country, under falsehoods, and secrets.”  Zuri looks at Erik, face long with age and regret, “My spirit cannot rest and will not without giving you another chance.”

Erik points his chin at Zuri, “What, I get to kill you twice?”

Zuri continues, “Did you speak to your father earlier?”

Erik squares off his shoulders flaring his nostrils, “What kind of voodoo shit are you pulling. Man?  That wasn’t nothing but a mirage.”

Zuri bows his head, “Your father is in the afterlife.  He is here.”

Erik looks around suspiciously, “Ain’t nothin here but some fuckin space leading to no fucking where.  I died, is this hell?  You ain’t said nothin yet that makes sense!”

“It never will, son.” a voice says.

Erik looks around like a fiend, “Aight, Zuri, what the fuck was that?!”  Erik turns to find Zuri gone.  Erik pulls a complete 360 spin with no one around him, Eriks yells out, “Zuri?  ZURI!”  Erik waves his arm in the area Zuri was standing, clapping his hands together in frustration, “Aight, now come on!  You can’t leave me here like this!  Zuri!!”  Erik yells at the top of his lungs.  He feels his body growing weak, a sharp pain in his chest brings him to his knees.  Erik closes his eyes tightly, gritting his teeth to fight the pain.  Reaching at chest, he feels a handle.  When he opens them, he sees the handle poking out of his chest.  Erik coughs up blood; the red drops color the floor he leans on.  

Erik’s breath becomes raspy, as he calls out again, “Zuri!  Don’t leave me alone again, man…Baba, where did you go?”  Erik starts to lose feeling in his extremities as his vision blurs.

“Son, did you accomplish what you set out to do?”

Erik’s eyes flutter open, “Daddy! Please, help me.  I can’t-”

“Did you do right by others?”  he says.

Erik sees his father sitting in front of him and looking alive and well.

Erik whispers as his breath goes shallow, “This world didn’t deserve a soft touch…….but a firm hand on its neck!”

“One thing I always taught you was to fight when only absolutely necessary.”

“Daddy, that was what-”

N’Jobu holds up a hand, “N’Jadaka, you do not speak when I am, you know that.  Save your energy.”

Erik looks down at his chest again, “Am I dying twice?”

N’Jobu ignores his question, “When you were picked on for being smaller than the other children, I told you that you needed to use your brain, not your fists to make them your friends or to make them think twice about being against you.”

Erik nods, “I know.”

“The same people that need to be protected are being killed by people who take matters in their own hands, blinded by hate, and not worried about the lives witnessing the violence around them.  Do you remember your friend, Kyle?”

Erik’s chest pain suddenly grew worse at the mention of him.  Erik nods, not able to speak.

“You both were walking to school, when a car passed you all slowly.  As you crossed the street, you passed another man that was coming up the street perpendicular.  The car stops and the driver opens fire.  You noticed quicker than Kyle and ran, whereas Kyle-”

Erik holds his hand up shaking his head, “Please, I don’t want to hear it.”

“N’Jadaka, you saw it.  You cried for weeks for losing your best friend.  A couple other schoolmates lost to drug overdose, violence, police brutality, and domestic abuse, I wanted to free you from having to endure anymore pain.  But I only caused the worst pain I could give you.”

Erik yells out, “You were betrayed!  Wakanda wanted nothing to do with us.”  Erik winces from his outburst.

N’Jobu shakes his head “I was not smart.  I did not go about it the right way to ensure that I could have a successful mission and protect you and your mother at all costs.  My brother’s hands were tied; and I foolishly threatened Zuri’s life, which caused my demise.  We were all working from a state of sadness and pain which does not foster great decision making.”

Erik wheezes as his lungs cloud with blood, “What’s gonna happen to us now?  Where do we go?”

N’Jobu looks around, “I wonder that too.  I have been waiting to see you.  I was hoping it would take a longer time than this, actually.  But your death is my final final greatest pain to endure since your mother.”

“Is she here?”

“She moved on, thank Bast.  I always told her she deserves the heavens above, and that promise was fulfilled.”  Erik tries to laugh with joy but comes out more as a cough.  “There was so much more I could’ve done for you, for your mother, Wakanda, our brothers and sisters.  But I wanted the most for you.  It was not fair to either of you that I put anger in front of love to make things right.  I wanted people to pay, to feel our pain that they would never know.”  N’Jobu gets up.

“Wh-where are you going, Baba?”  Erik asks.

N’Jobu backs away, “I used my time on Earth frivolously.  You built up yours on complacency and repugnance for the world.  Our time was always fleeting, even in the afterlife.”

Tears stream Erik’s face, “No, no.  This is supposed to be where we hang out, forever.  What is this that we can’t be together?”

N’Jobu shakes his head, “You need to make a choice.  There is no other way.”  N’Jobu’s body fades away with that.

“Baba!  Please!  Dammit, the fuck is going on here??”  Erik grabs the handle of the weapon in his chest, jerking it forward.  

“AGH!  FUCK!  That hurts.”  The weapon will not budge, but hurts worse than hell if he tries.  Coughing up more blood, two feet appear in his line of vision.

“Zuri, what are you doing to me?  Why can’t I see my father?  Why can’t I take this out?”

Zuri looks down on you sullenly, “My purpose for being here is for you to try to keep further suffering for yourself and your father.”

Erik tries to stand, “I want my Baba, Uncle James.  Bring him back!”

“He won’t be coming back.”  Zuri says.

“Why the hell not!”  Erik demands.

“The timeline of events that must take place cannot be made with both of you in it.”

Erik hunched over and confused asks, “Is that like why we can’t live together now that we are dead?”

Zuri continues, “Your father could make for a better life for Wakanda and Black people across the globe with what he has learned so far.  He expresses so much regret over how he dealt with you in contrast with his mission, feeling like ultimately your death was his fault.  But you can give him another chance.”

Erik hearing this feels a slight renewal of hope, “I want my father to be happy more than anything.  He deserves it.  What do I do?”

“You could also return to Wakanda yourself, and complete what you set out to do.”

Erik feels even more reinvigorated for having a knife in his chest.  “Wow, we could do this thing together?  I promise you, Uncle James, I will do anything-”

“You cannot be together!”  Zuri’s voice booms.

Erik’s mind becomes clouded as he tries to understand.  “So it’s either, or?”

Zuri nods, “You cannot be on the same timeline.  You must choose.”

“What happens to my father if I continue with my mission?”  Erik asks.

Zuri’s shoulders droop, “His soul will continue to wander for an unknown time.  He won’t be with your mother, or his family, just lost in these blank spaces.”

Erik shakes his head at the thought.  His father didn’t deserve such a fate.  “I can’t have him going through some purgatory shit, that just can’t happen.”

“So would you choose to let your father have a second chance?”

Erik thinks a moment, “What if I say no to both?”

“Then you both suffer.  He will wander, lost.  You will be here, bleeding and in pain.”

Erik can’t fathom such a life.  “That’s some bullshit, right there.”

Erik and Zuri pause in the quiet for a bit.  Erik goes to sit down  on the ground again.  “So it all comes down to this.  What happens to you when I make a decision?”

Zuri kneels by you, “I honestly do not know.  Will I reach the ancestral plane?  Will I help other souls like yours?  Will I wander?  It’s all a mystery for now.”

Erik looks off into space thinking over the options.  As he does, he sees his father watching his mother laughing and smiling through some sort of window.  She looks as beautiful as she did when he was a kid.  His father reaches out to touch the image, but it poofs away in an instant.  The vision fades as Erik looks back to Zuri.  “Will my father know me?”

“You will have never been born.  Time will jump back to the 90s, when he took the War Dog assignment, so that he can properly conduct his mission to build up the Black community.  I am not sure if he will retain memories of you but it is clear that he will not have you as his son in this timeline.”

Erik’s breath leaves him a moment, making him lay back.  Zuri catches his head.  “You must decide, you are dying quickly now.”

Erik can barely breath as his ee find Zuri, “It may not be so bad to have never been born, I think.”

Zuri’s eyes begin to well, “You were a special child, N’Jadaka.  Your father was always prideful of you.  I couldn’t believe he cloned himself.  He saw so much of himself in you.”

Erik scoffs weakly, “Yeah, too much.”  Erik’s eye look up to the sky, glazing over.  “If he doesn’t remember me, that’s fine too.  Long as I have him.”

Erik holds his hand up, Zuri takes it, “If my father’s life becomes better for me not being here, I ain’t got no problems with giving up my spot on Earth.  He took good care of me, and still will by doing what he gotta do.”

Zuri nods speechless.

Erik feels his body becoming weightless.  Zuri’s hand disappears and the light around him becomes even brighter.  But it no longer bothers his vision.  His breathing stills, but he no longer chokes.  His chest feels no pain and his soul feels at ease as his mind and thoughts fade with the world around him.  He is free from anger, loneliness, worry, and suffering at last.


End file.
